Post 52: Before We Ask Our Children to Do, We Need to Help Them Be
This post was inspired by a recent assessment with a family I won't soon forget.
When they arrived, I noticed something before we even started talking. It went beyond posture, muscle tone, or movement. This child looked exhausted. And so did his parents.
As we sat together and they began to share their story, I heard everything they had been doing — the therapy appointments, the home exercises, the specialist visits, the equipment, the daily routines built around helping their son. Like so many parents of children with cerebral palsy, they were giving everything they had. Completely and without reservation.
But beneath all of that effort, there was a question that needed to be asked. One that doesn't come up often enough in our field.
How is this child actually doing?
Not what can he do.
Not what skill are we working toward next.
Not what milestone are we trying to reach.
But how is he being?
How is he sleeping? How is he breathing? Is his digestion working well? Is he comfortable in his body? How often does his nervous system get to truly rest?
As our conversation unfolded, something became clear. Before asking this child to do more, we first needed to help him simply be.
The Foundation We Often Overlook
Many children with cerebral palsy spend a significant portion of their lives being asked to perform.
Lift your head. Sit taller. Reach farther. Take a step. Try harder.
These goals matter. Movement matters. Development matters.
But sometimes we overlook the question of whether the foundation underneath those goals is stable enough to support them.
Think of it this way: you wouldn't try to build a house on shifting ground. No matter how carefully you construct the walls, problems will eventually surface.
The same is true for our children's bodies.
Breathing, sleep, digestion, nervous system regulation, and physical comfort are not separate from movement. They are the ground that movement is built on. When a child is not sleeping well, struggling with digestion, frequently uncomfortable, or living in a state of chronic stress — the body is already working hard just to survive the day. Asking it to organize complex movement on top of that is a significant ask.
That's what I saw during that assessment. A child being asked to do, without first being supported in being.
A Lesson That Changed the Way I Work
Years ago, my mentor Leonid Blyum introduced me to this idea, and it stayed with me.
Before focusing on function, support life.
Before focusing on performance, focus on well-being.
Before asking the body to organize movement, help it find balance.
It sounds simple. But in practice, it completely shifts the way you approach a child. Instead of beginning with what's missing, you begin with what the body needs in order to feel safe and settled.
Over more than two decades of working with children and families, I have seen this principle hold true again and again. When children feel better, they often move better. When the nervous system feels safer, movement becomes easier. When the body is more comfortable, development has stronger ground to build from.
This is not about lowering expectations. It is about building toward them more wisely.
Where Fascia Fits Into This Picture
This understanding is a big part of why I work with fascia, and why I teach parents to do the same.
Fascia is the connective web that runs throughout the entire body — surrounding muscles, organs, nerves, and joints, and holding everything in relationship with everything else. It plays a role not just in movement and posture, but in breathing, circulation, digestion, and how the nervous system communicates.
When we use gentle fascia-based techniques, the goal is not to push the body toward a milestone it isn't ready for. It is to create better conditions — to support the system in settling, organizing, and finding a more comfortable state of balance.
What parents often notice first isn't what they expected. Better sleep, calmer days, easier digestion, a child who seems more at ease in their own body. If you're curious what that can look like, I wrote about the first wins parents often notice in an earlier post.
And from that place of greater ease, movement begins to emerge more naturally — not because we forced it, but because the foundation beneath it became more stable.
This doesn't mean we stop working toward developmental goals. It means we give those goals something real to build on.
A Message for You
If you are a parent of a child with cerebral palsy, I want you to know that I see you.
I see the appointments and the therapies. The research late at night, the second opinions, the hope you hold onto even when progress feels slow. Your dedication is real, and it matters deeply. And if some days the weight of it all feels like too much, you're not alone in feeling depleted — that exhaustion is real too.
But I also want to offer you a different question to carry with you:
What does my child need in order to simply be well?
Sometimes the most meaningful step forward is not adding one more exercise to the day.
Sometimes it is supporting better sleep. Creating a pocket of calm. Helping the body feel safe, comfortable, and regulated — not because those things are in competition with developmental progress, but because they are the conditions that make it possible.
When we help our children be, we create the foundation that allows them to do.
And in my experience, that is often where the most meaningful progress begins.
Ready to Start?
Take your first step into fascia therapy with our short, parent-friendly workshop:
The #1 Fascia Therapy To Improve Torso Control. I teach you the first exercise and how to make the binder so you can help your child today.
Gentle, effective, and easy to begin—no experience needed.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’re ready to fully embrace this gentle approach and receive personalized support, apply for TheraParent Coaching—our therapeutic coaching program designed for dedicated parents like you.
Includes weekly calls, a tailored plan, and a supportive community.
Apply here – it’s free to explore.
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